{"id":1286,"date":"2011-11-19T23:14:13","date_gmt":"2011-11-19T22:14:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gazetealmanci.de\/?p=1286"},"modified":"2011-11-19T23:32:07","modified_gmt":"2011-11-19T22:32:07","slug":"yanlizlik","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gazetealmanci.de\/?p=1286","title":{"rendered":"Yanl\u0131zl\u0131k"},"content":{"rendered":"

Bir g\u00fcn yanl\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 hissetiren sessizli\u011fin ve birde ben var\u0131m.<\/strong> G\u00f6zlerim dolu dolu a\u011flam\u0131yorum sadece karamsar\u0131m.<\/strong>\"Vesikalik_02\" Kendimle \u00a0ba\u015f ba\u015fay\u0131m,\u00a0 yanl\u0131z\u0131m,\u00a0 yard\u0131m elini uzat ne olur yard\u0131m Tanr\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Erken kalkt\u0131m bu sabah, ilk defa \u00a0terk etmek istedim.\u00a0 Sonra oturdum, saatlerce \u00a0d\u00fcs\u00fcnd\u00fcm, olmad\u0131 \u00a0i\u015fte hi\u00e7 biri, hayal kurmakta bir yere kadar,\u00a0\u00a0 g\u00f6zlerim kapand\u0131 hasret oldu sevgiye ruhum, yeni g\u00fcne umutla ba\u015flamak pek bir zormu\u015f,\u00a0 kand\u0131rm\u0131\u015f\u0131m ben kendimi. Olmam\u0131\u015f, \u00a0olmad\u0131 ve de olmayacak kadar uzak bana umutlar\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Harlan\u0131r aleviyle a\u015fk sand\u0131m bir an, yan\u0131lm\u0131\u015f\u0131m; oysa unutmu\u015fum a\u015fk zaman i\u00e7inde s\u00f6ner, k\u00fclleri kal\u0131r ard\u0131nda,\u00a0 bana zindan olan hayat\u0131n kap\u0131 aral\u0131\u011f\u0131nda…<\/p>\n

D\u00f6nelim \u00a0yine ba\u015fa deneyelim istedim,\u00a0 kendimi \u00e7ok yordum, denedim kazanmak i\u00e7in kazanamad\u0131m, yoruldum.<\/p>\n

Art\u0131k gidiyorum, bunald\u0131m\u00a0 gidiyorum,\u00a0 ne oldu\u011funu anlayamadan . Son bir kez d\u00f6n\u00fcp arkama bakt\u0131m\u00a0 anlad\u0131m ba\u015faramad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131.<\/p>\n

Kim sevdi seni benim kadar,\u00a0\u00a0 istemem bundan sonra selam\u0131n\u0131da\u00a0\u00a0 art\u0131k, yanl\u0131z\u0131m ald\u0131m ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 gidiyorum, ge\u00e7 te olsa anlad\u0131m g\u00f6zlerim dolu yeni<\/p>\n

bir ufka yelken a\u00e7t\u0131m sand\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Kovalad\u0131lar beni an\u0131lar\u0131m \u00a0ka\u00e7amad\u0131m\u00a0 ummad\u0131k ellere d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm yaralad\u0131lar\u00a0 bir de bu da yetmez gibi kand\u0131rd\u0131lar, ben inand\u0131k\u00e7a \u00a0duygular\u0131m\u0131 paralad\u0131lar.<\/p>\n

Hep kendime zarar verdim ac\u0131 duymad\u0131m iki karar verdim ama ba\u015faramad\u0131m\u00a0 ilki \u00f6lmekti bocalad\u0131m olmad\u0131, di\u011feri \u00a0ya\u015famakt\u0131 ya\u015fayamad\u0131m\u00a0 ben. D\u00fc\u015fman\u0131m\u0131n ard\u0131na dizilen dostlara zora d\u00fcst\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm i\u00e7in mi ula\u015famad\u0131m? pi\u015fman\u0131m \u00a0her kezi \u00a0insan san\u0131p da sa\u00e7malad\u0131m…<\/p>\n

A\u015fk m\u0131 dedin bana! sa\u00e7malad\u0131n\u00a0 seni seviyorum diyene, duygular\u0131m\u0131 \u00a0kontrol edemiyorum diyene \u00a0inanma yol ver.\u00a0 Beni en son b\u0131rak\u0131p giden de beni her \u015feyden \u00e7ok sevdi\u011fini s\u00f6yleyende, \u00a0bo\u015fver,\u00a0\u00a0 dilim \u00f6zg\u00fcr bug\u00fcn \u00f6n\u00fcme gelen<\/p>\n

b\u00fct\u00fcn herkezi \u00a0k\u0131rabilirim. Bana hak ver\u00a0 ne hissetti\u011fimi bulamad\u0131m hala bir yanim \u00e7ek git \u00a0bir yan\u0131m kal der…<\/p>\n

R\u00fcyadan uyan\u0131p ayanaya bakt\u0131m o kad\u0131n benimle alakas\u0131z \u00a0biri, bu hayat inad\u0131na bana her g\u00fcn yap\u0131lan \u00e7ok bayat ve k\u00f6t\u00fc bir espiri yapt\u0131.\u00a0 Y\u0131rtt\u0131m olmayan resmini art\u0131k eskidin unuttum ismini sen bir yalanc\u0131s\u0131n\u00a0 b\u0131kt\u0131m b\u00fcsb\u00fct\u00fcn her \u015feyden senin y\u00fcz\u00fcnden a\u2026kahretsin…<\/p>\n

Kim sevdi seni benim kadar\u00a0\u00a0 istemem selam\u0131n\u0131\u00a0 art\u0131k yanl\u0131z\u0131m ald\u0131n alaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlad\u0131n m\u0131\u2026<\/p>\n

\u00dcz\u00fclmeye de\u011fmez \u00a0bir oyuncuymu\u015fsun \u00a0bunu ge\u00e7 anlad\u0131m,<\/p>\n

g\u00f6zlerim dolu yeni bir ufka yelken a\u00e7t\u0131m…<\/p>\n

Yine dert, tasa, keder, her \u015fey beni bulur hayat\u0131n anlam\u0131 bu mudur?<\/p>\n

s\u00f6yle g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcde kapay\u0131p dald\u0131m hayallere, huzuru arad\u0131m bulamad\u0131m nerede?<\/p>\n

\u00d6zlemek ve\u00a0 beklemek bu beden hep tek, y\u00fcregim, kimlere anlatay\u0131m derdimi kimlere \u00a0bahsedeyim s\u00f6yle.. D\u00f6nmek istemiyorsam geldi\u011fim yere,d\u00f6rt duvar aras\u0131 bana mesken, yanl\u0131zlar\u0131 oynar bu beden\u00a0 ka\u00e7\u0131p gidesim var uzaklara bir ak\u0131p gidesim var bu diyardan, geride kalanlara selam olsun selam olsun olmayan, ula\u015famad\u0131\u011f\u0131m dostlar\u0131ma.<\/p>\n

Beni bile bu hale d\u00fcs\u00fcrd\u00fcn ya helal olsun sana can, bak bu sefer en<\/p>\n

Derindeyim, en dipteyim ve de en geride belki de kurtaracak beni son s\u00f6z\u00fcn bir g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn ya da bir tebess\u00fcm\u00fcn. \u00a0Bunal\u0131ma soktu beni ge\u00e7en iki g\u00fcn, bu beden vurgun ve de yorgun yanl\u0131z\u0131m yine bak anlad\u0131n mi sevgiye muhtac sevgiye a\u00e7 \u00a0kalabal\u0131k her yer, ben yanl\u0131z, bir yan\u0131m yok ve de cans\u0131z.<\/p>\n

Bir ki\u015fi tan\u0131d\u0131m \u00e7ok vefas\u0131z ve de art\u0131k s\u00f6zler anlams\u0131z\u00a0 kaybettin beni ben de kendimi sana benden son bir s\u00f6z \u00a0kim sevdi seni benim kadar kim\u2026<\/p>\n

Bunu ge\u00e7 anlad\u0131m sen benden vaz ge\u00e7mi\u015fsin \u00a0bense darbe yedim, harbe girdim benli\u011fimle sen gittin en ba\u015ftan ba\u015flar\u0131m sanad\u0131m \u00a0bu kez ama olmad\u0131 d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmlendi bo\u011faz\u0131ma \u00a0son kez kalem yazmad\u0131..<\/p>\n

Bende an\u0131n kalmas\u0131n, bu kalpte yar\u0131n \u00f6ld\u00fc zaten\u00a0 ben yar\u0131nla yasayamam ki fark \u00a0etmez \u00a0sevmediklerim \u00a0terk etmez. sevdi\u011fim, bir resimde kalmaz \u00f6yle ellerimde sadece \u00a0yakmak i\u00e7in hat\u0131ra g\u00f6zlerimde ya\u015flar\u0131m akmak icin haz\u0131r ya.<\/p>\n

G\u00f6rmeden gider misin ba\u015flar\u0131m bu a\u015fk\u0131na ve k\u0131\u015f aylar\u0131nda ya\u011fmurlar\u0131m\u0131n her bir damlas\u0131 olacakt\u0131n bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131nla yanl\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131n umutlar\u0131yd\u0131n, \u015fimdi unut istemiyorum, simdi git ve gelme sak\u0131n, \u00a0kimdi derim sorarlarsa, tan\u0131mam art\u0131k sildim derim hat\u0131rlarsam, yanl\u0131z akl\u0131nla tek kal\u0131p hi\u00e7 d\u00fcs\u00fcnd\u00fcn m\u00fc, \u00e7ocuk hava \u00e7ok soguk ..<\/p>\n

Kim sevdi seni benim kadar istemem selam\u0131n\u0131 art\u0131k yanl\u0131z\u0131m ald\u0131m yolumu anlad\u0131n m\u0131 \u00fcz\u00fclmeye de\u011fmez \u00a0sen uslanmazs\u0131n \u00a0bunu ge\u00e7 anlad\u0131m \u00a0g\u00f6zlerim dolu yeni bir ufka yelken a\u00e7t\u0131m\u2026<\/p>\n

M.Tevfik<\/p>\n

17.11.2011<\/p>\n

N\u00fcrnberg<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bir g\u00fcn yanl\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 hissetiren sessizli\u011fin ve birde ben var\u0131m. G\u00f6zlerim dolu dolu a\u011flam\u0131yorum sadece karamsar\u0131m. Kendimle \u00a0ba\u015f ba\u015fay\u0131m,\u00a0 yanl\u0131z\u0131m,\u00a0 yard\u0131m elini uzat ne olur yard\u0131m Tanr\u0131m.
\nErken kalkt\u0131m bu sabah, ilk defa \u00a0terk etmek istedim.\u00a0 Sonra oturdum, saatlerce \u00a0d\u00fcs\u00fcnd\u00fcm, olmad\u0131 \u00a0i\u015fte hi\u00e7 biri, hayal kurmakta bir yere kadar,\u00a0\u00a0 g\u00f6zlerim kapand\u0131 hasret oldu sevgiye ruhum, yeni g\u00fcne […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[13],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gazetealmanci.de\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1286"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gazetealmanci.de\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gazetealmanci.de\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gazetealmanci.de\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gazetealmanci.de\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1286"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.gazetealmanci.de\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1286\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1288,"href":"https:\/\/www.gazetealmanci.de\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1286\/revisions\/1288"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gazetealmanci.de\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1286"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gazetealmanci.de\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1286"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gazetealmanci.de\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1286"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}